. : Not Another 5 Minutes…: . (10.10.14)

I wrote this one night at around 2 o'clock in the morning. Words were just dropping in my heart like raindrops. Even though the person I wrote this to didn't feel the same way about me, I. Loved. Him. It's interesting to me how the mind works when it comes to grief, love, fear, and other emotions. Some sing, some paint, me...I write. So this is to my love...I miss the thought of you...

5 minutes equals
300 seconds of time
that have been replaying
in my mind
for the past 48 hours
powers
that I didn't know existed
places that we've never visited
became reality
and time
though ticking
stood perfectly still

See your mind went to sex
While my mind vividly remembered
The secs
Hours, days, months from the beginning
Opening scene of this movie
Flashbacks of workouts and long walks
mindFULL texting and deeply personal talks
that’s what got us here
not the wine
or the lateness of the time
but the culmination of this building tension for a while
hidden
behind coded conversation and silent smiles
quick glances and “dances,”
like my personal self defense class one summer night
LOL
Thanks Love, I can now protect myself from angry foes
But locked in your embrace
A welcomed visitor in your personal space
My angry foe was time
But at some point we had to go back to reality
Quick
Before our cover is blown
And really shown
For what it is…

And we've done this dance before
It’s almost like I get too close
And you shut the door
Careful not to let me think for
One minute
Anything different than what
Meticulously comes across your lips
But I’ll skip to the next part
so I don’t waste my 5 minutes

During the playback of our 300 seconds
You said the words, “I like you”
And honestly
I didn't know those were words
From a real, but exhausted version of you
Or an attempt to remove on more layer of
My composure I was so desperately trying to hang on to…
For the record…I like you too…
And not because of the kissing
But genuinely missing you
When you’re away
The level of compassion, when I’m hurting
That you thoughtfully display
You approach my waves of anxiety with calmer seas
You meet my quirkiness with winks and cheese
You let me be me…
You challenge me to train harder
Think smarter
Go farther
When something goes good, you celebrate me
And when you something
Goes bad
You go to bat for me
That, love is sexy
Sorry, that may be too much
And I’m trying to hurry because
These 300 seconds are almost up
And before this is done and then sun reemerges
I got one more thing to say…


Those 5 minutes of “what if”
Was both beautiful and agonizing
Mind-blowing, but realizing
This innocence is not for me to give away
But gifted someday to one made for me
And what if that “he” Is you…
If that’s the case, then 5 minutes, 300 seconds
Will most certainly not do
If that’s the case
Then I dare not tease you
Or make things blue
By my choosing to exit stage left
When my body is leading you right
Down
A
Path
To a “closed for now” gate
Sorry if I frustrated you
And caused you angst
I guess after reading your lips for so long
The suspense of how they might taste
Was killing me…
The wanting to be held by you
Was overwhelming,...
And the idea of waking up next to you
Almost got to me...

TIME: my 300 second alarm has just beeped.