Walking into Phase One
Completely undone
Had no script, no idea
Of the things to come
Naked and full of shame
But yet still surrendering to
The Name above every name…
This wasn’t like the last time
When my emotions were high,
Sure I shook and cried
But underneath still believing the lie
That had become my truth
Never really dealing with the pain of my youth
I buried me
Under a pile of insecurity
Outwardly free
But inwardly
A mess
A mammoth ball of stress
Wanting so badly to confess my sin
But afraid to lose my friends
Will I ever be loved again…
Will I ever love me again…
I started with a letter to little me
little Ashley
And sure enough
she hated me
I mean….
Why shouldn’t she
I left her for bright, sunny hills
Determined never to feel
Pain again, Shame again
Leaving her with the blame
And me
Inevitably shacking up with
Self hatred
But
This time was different…
of people
who I had to impress
constantly saying, “I’m highly favored and blessed”
but mentally repeating, “I’m highly labored and stressed”
tirelessly searching for my treasure chest
with.
No.
map.
I kept knocking on her door and she finally let me in
And for the first time in a long time
We became friends
And when the hard moments arrived
We walked together in perfect stride
Embracing truth
Letting go of the lies…
Embracing truth
Letting go of the knives…
Embracing truth
Letting go of suicide…
Phase 2,
I’m ready I think
I’ve got it all figured out
I, I, I, flying out of my mouth
But in the wilderness it’s Him, Him, Him
And I began to learn and understand what self-life
Was all about
Sure Track B was my MO
But Track A gave me Ammo
To live life, really live life
Without strife
To be who Father sees me as
To live the life my
Covenant Representative
Paid for me to have
Abundantly
Free of worry about tomorrow
Learning to trust in time of sorrow
His Love is freely given
So no need to borrow
It
as if it’s returnable
He chose me
Title deed signed and sealed
Now on to Phase 3…
Milk and honey I see
Who knew I could literally
Be this free
Living in a land promised to me
Before the foundation of the world
Dreaming again
without fear of the enemy
Dreaming again
without fear of the inner me
New wine
In a
New mind
Transformed and
Realigned
I can see clearly
Now the blinding rain
Is gone
And with one foot in front
Of the other
My journey continues on…
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