Agony...

you're the first person I think about when I wake up
the last person I pray for before I go to bed
you're always in my head
you make me crazy…

and it's crazy how I think about the possibility of us
more than fight the reality of us
there is no you and I
but my mind is in constant conversation
over why not…

why can't I reach out and touch you
kiss you, hug you
when I want

why can't I call you and ask how was your day
in tune and listening, really listening
to the moments you replay
waiting to say
how proud I am,
waiting to say
how in love I am,
waiting to say
how sure I am
that the next day will be better

why can't I lay next to you
with my head on your chest
thanking God for your every breath
thanking God that you've never left

being away from you feels like death...

I mean really…
what is this thing with you
that I can't seem to shake
can't seem to break
I mean its 4am and I'm awake
October 8…
the day
my walls came down
and I've been unable to rebuild
or rebound
subconsciously counting down
to our next encounter
if there's another
if this continues further
if this grows stronger…

by now, one would think
this dance would be old
and our souls off to what lies next
but instead
I send you naughty texts
but then delete them
think of ways to tease
but don't act on them
dress in boots and a trench to greet you
but never leave in them…

i make love to you in my mind
over and over, all the time
you're like a fine, sweet wine
that though I've never tasted
has the makings of something divine
careful not to waste it
every drop of you is beautiful sunshine

this is agony...